Margaret Cho Quotes

Being gay a choice?
Being gay is not a choice. It's not. Because you see people sometimes, and you go "Oh--clearly, you had no say in the decision making process whatsoever, did you?"

Banning Homosexuality
You know, we live in a time where there are communities like Rhea County, Tennessee, where the town council tried to ban homosexuality from the entire county. They tried to make it sort of a dry, gayless county--their version of dry county--entirely gayless--no gays. They tried to get rid of all of the gays that were there.

How do you remove the gays from a whole community? What, are you gonna tent the county and play Reba McEntire at ear-splitting levels?

"Don't play Shania; that'll attract 'em."

How do you get all of the gays out of a community?

They had to bring in a specialist from Chelsea: "Well, first of all, you gone have to close your Abercrombie & Fitch. Oh, you can forget about Restoration Hardware, honey--don't play. All you gone have left is Michael's; I hope you enjoy crafts. Now if you get rid of all the gays, you do understand that everybody's roots will get longer and longer and longer and longer and longer. No one will know how to do sign language 'cause all the lesbians'll be gone. All the PE classes be cancelled."

The Gay Agenda
I get in fights about gay marriage with these social conservatives who say to me, "Well, all you care about is the gay agenda. All you're concerned about is the gay agenda . . ."

What is the gay agenda?! Is it assless wedding gowns? Is it Cher as Secretary of State? Is it Black Diva History Month? What the fuck is the gay agenda?

Hitting 'em Where It Hurts
No, we wait until we get somebody different in the White house, and then we really go for it, then we really hit 'em where they live: make all the wedding planners go on strike.

"If I can't get married, you can't get married!"

"Go ahead. Try to do your own make-up."

"Aw, boohoo! Who need a floral arrangement now?!"

Reading People
I was on the ship. They had a reading room, and I was convinced there was a drag queen in there during the day teaching people how to read.

"Who here know how to crochet? Some people? Okay . . you know how to read? R-e-a-d. Read. You need to read people sometimes--you do--because there are people in this world we do not like. And polite society would have us ignore them. I think that's wrong. You are missing out on a perfectly good opportunity to get out all your aggression and rage.

Now when you read sombody, what you are doing is you slowly chip away at they self-esteem. But you do so in such a subtle manner they have no idea what's happening to them. They are simple overwhelmed by a sense of dread.

Now I'm gone give you a quick guide of how to read somebody. First, do a scan of that person and try to figure out what is fucked up about them. Everybody has one thing that they just do not like about themself. Just try to find that one thing. And if they happen to be perfect, like physically perfect, go for they intellect. Beautiful people always worry they might be stupid.

Now say this person has close-set eyes. Now, don't beat them over the head with it, just start by asking questions--such as 'Do you have to have your glasses specially made?' 'When you go to Lenscrafters, does it take you less than half-an-hour?' 'Have you ever considered a monicle?'"